Humour: Kangana Ranaut: I will finish the political career of Mamta Banerjee

Humour: Kangana Ranaut: I will finish the political career of Mamta Banerjee

Kangana Ranaut is set to take on Bengal Chief Minister Mamta Banerjee and has thrown a solid challenge to the lady who had just scored a historic victory over BJP in the 2021 Bengal elections.

Here are the details of her conversation with the famous LOL (loud and louder) journalist Chingari Kumar from CNC (Centre New News Channel).

Chingari Kumar: KANGANA... WHAT IS THIS... WE WANT TO KNOW. HOW CAN YOU TOLERATE THIS? WHY ARE YOU SILENT (Chingari’s voice turns deafening)?

Kangana Ranaut (in a calm and composed mode): My dear Chingari… behave. Am a proud Hindustani Naari. Am the Mannikarna, Am the Durga. Shouting, abusing is my USP. Stop stealing my thunder. Kangana says the above lines with remarkable control and gracefully sits on the sofa like a divine diva delivering that killer smile.

Chingari Kumar (astonishingly overwhelmed): No wonder. When it comes to trolling and abusing – you are exceptional. There is so much to learn from you madam.

Kangana Ranaut : Am Impressed. (getting playful) shoot… tell me what brings you here.

Chingari Kumar: (goes on trance trip for a while imagining himself with Kangana amidst the majestic beauty of Darjeeling)

Kangana Ranaut (interrupts the dream of Chingari Kumar with a kabbadi flip from her National Award-Winning movie Panga) Chingari Ji… kaha kho gaye. Chaliye apna kaam kariye.. mujhe insta pe aag ugalni hai cannot control (rough translation : pls do your work asap, I have to spread fire on insta).

Chingari Kumar: Yes yes. Starts yelling again – TELL ME KANGANA, TELL THE VIEWERS, TELL THE NATION ABOUT YOUR REACTION TO THE SUSPENSION OF YOUR TWITTER ACCOUNT.

Kangana Ranaut: Why are you shouting at me yaar. Am not a guest on your LOL debate. You are at my posh residence in Manali. murmus (shouting like a mawali).

Chingari Kumar: sorry yaar. I got carried away.

Kangana Ranaut: Nobody calls me yaar. Mujhe yaar bolne ka haq sirf ek hi ko tha. (rough translation: only one person had the right to call me yaar)

Chingari Kumar: Noted Madam.

Kangana Ranaut: Better.

Chingari Kumar: Pls tell us how are you feeling after this unacceptable act by twitter.

Kangana Ranaut: (Laughs hysterically). Poor chaps. I pity them. They don’t have any knowledge. Their IQ is zero. Am a national award-winning actress. Am the proud recipient of Padma Shri. These chaatu pseudo intellectual morons know nothing about India and the world’s greatest leader Shri Narendra Modi.

Chingari Kumar: Modi ji is our God.

Kangana Ranaut: I am the top actress in India. I made it without any God father. But today am proud to say that Shri Narendra Modi mere bhagwan hai. Narendra Modi is my God.

Chingari Kumar: But what made them suspend your account.

Kangana Ranaut: Maine Kaha Na.. They are idiots. No knowledge of India, Indian culture and Hindu religion.

Chingari Kumar: Madam you will have to elaborate on this.

Kangana Ranaut: I asked Modiji to take a virat roop. Virat means huge, big. A bhakt can ask his bhagwan to take a virat avatar isn’t it. What is wrong in asking your god to come in full magnitude. You tell me what is wrong. You are a Hindu. You are a bhakth. Tell me.

Chingari Kumar: You are such a divine lady, you are thinking of the upliftment of the world by asking your god to come in full magnitude and your account gets suspended. This is murder, murder of freedom of speech, murder of believe, murder of the pious relation between bhakth and bhagwan. This is a conspiracy.

Kangana Ranaut: Oh Hello. Hold on. These are my lines.

Chingari Kumar: Sorry Madam. My sincere apologies.   

Kangana Ranaut: Koi nahi. Now leave my feet and get up to stand for the nation.

Chingari Kumar: Yes Madam. Please tell me now what is your plan of action.

Kangana Ranaut: A mind blowing plan that will end the political career of Mamta Banerjee aka Didi by 2024 – the next Lok Sabha election.

Chingari Kumar: Bingo. Now that’s like that fearless Rani Laxmibai. Madam please elaborate on this.

Kangana Ranaut: As you know I have asked Modiji to rise – take that virat roop.

Chingari Kumar : Yes Yes.

Kangana Ranaut : My production company will make mythologies on goddess Durga, Laxmi, Saraswati. Biopic on Mother Teressa, a hard-hitting Muslim social drama – Fatima based on Modi government’s triple talaq judgement in coming years. The mythologies, biopic and social drama will have me as the lead. I will play Maa Durga, Laxmi, Saraswati, Mother Teresa and Fatima. Modiji in his virat avatar will make sure that the I & B ministry backs the project completely. All the movies will be shot in Yogiji’s Film city in Uttar Pradesh. Modiji will make this as a top priority for Yogiji. My god will come down in his stature to see that his bhakthin (female form of bhakth) dream gets executed. This in spiritual sense is getting big which these illiterate zero IQ twitteratti won’t understand no matter how much janam they take.

Chingari Kumar: UNBELIVABLE

Kangana Ranaut: It has just started my dear! My stature will rise phenomenally all over the world as though the movies will be made in Bengali, it will be dubbed in all the languages spoken in the world. No tension of subtitling. I will start a revolution.

Chingari Kumar: You are divine.

Kangana Ranaut: Please don’t disturb and let me finish.

Chingari Kumar : Shama Devi. (Rough translation: forgive me lady).

Kangana Ranaut: By the time 2024 election are announced. I will have the stature as the world healer – the global superstar, the global woman icon. The undisputed queen of the world – the messiah, the apsara, the warrior, the saviour. The world will be at my feet.

Looking at my stature, BJP won’t need anyone else after Modi. I will accompany Modi in all his rallies all over India. I will be the PM candidate and my lord Modiji will back me. I will contest in all the seats in Bengal and will fight against Mamta Baneerjee all alone. My global image and my act as Goddess Durga will ensure that I win every seat in Bengal making Mamta aka Didi cry at Zero.

Chingari Kumar: What a vision, what a plan.

Kangana Ranaut: Picture abhi baki hai mere dost

Chingari Kumar: Really!!!

Kangana Ranaut: I have seen the world. I am the superstar of India today. Will be the global star of the world by tomorrow. And am also a woman.

Chingari Kumar: Yes, you are.

Kangana Ranaut: I know how mean these politicians are and how it feels to be lonely and single.

Chingari Kumar: yes, Modiji always talks about some Kutumbakam

Kangana Ranaut: Its Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam… you silly. You lack that thinking that goes beyond.

Chingari Kumar: Will work on that madam.

Kangana Ranaut: You have my blessings. So now in order to survive and make that Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam theory come alive fully. Modiji and Mamta will have two options, since now my stature is bigger and people of this country will now want to see me as their queen. And I am the queen.

Chingari Kumar: Masterstroke. What options will Modiji and Mamta have to survive and make that Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam theory come alive fully.

Kangana Ranaut: Either Mamta and Modi tie the knot as husband and wife or tie the thread as brother and sister.

Chingari Kumar: No escape at all. But will Mamta agree.

Kangana Ranaut : Didi may not agree to be Modiji’s Biwi but she will certainly for her image as ‘Didi’ of the world will tie the Rakhi to Modiji and India will be safe from any threat. As you know, today Mamta Banerjee as Didi is the biggest threat my God is facing.

Chingari Kumar: phir kya hoga.. what will modiji, you and Didi do.

Kangana Ranaut : Gets up with a confident smile blooming from her face. Our God – Modiji will go on a tapasya in Himalayas. His temples will be built all over the world. Didi will take care of all those divine things related to Modiji’s temples, trust etc. I will rule the world with Amit Shah as my secretary and most trusted aid.

Chingari Kumar: Bharat Mata Ki Jai

Kangana Ranaut : Nahi parth.. kaho Modi Bhagwan ki jai, Didi ki maiya apram paar hai.

(Disclaimer: The above write up is a light-hearted take and is a figment of imagination of the author. The author has no intention to hurt anyone’s feelings. The website does not hold any responsibility)